Dominance or Submission…It’s in There
As a lifestyle femdom, I believe it’s imperative for those new to the kink scene to grasp the concept that the inclination towards domination or submission is usually present even if not utilized and at work in our daily lives whether we know it or not. Adding to that, this aspect isn’t such that it rules all waking hours. For instance, that are situations where asserting my dominance is wanted or sought. Then there are times when backing off is prudent (snarky insurance agents, snippy rental car companies, smarmy car salesman). The trick is knowing how to pick your approach. And whether or not they have you by the shorties.
Submissives are Viewed as Weak
My natural impulse is accept the full responsibility of each scene, scenario, femdom phone sex session . Control is something I desire, but not because I feel I need to compensate for a lack within myself , I desire control to satisfy what is essentially my core make up. I’ve tried numerous times to be a switch but it wasn’t me. I flopped as a sub. It takes more courage to surrender your power to another, trust that person enough with your mind and body to let them take charge. Submissives are far from weak, wimpy, or in any shape or form, any type of loser. Far from it!
People in the lifestyle have learned to adopt the mindset far different from the average person. We choose an life outlook that isn’t taught in the vanilla world. Allowing yourself to grow to the point that you are able to un-learn all of that programming to co-exist with but not live life following all of those conflicting social mores that are drilled into us are, I believe, genuinely free.
Which Person are You?
I’ve watched many enter this lifestyle with the idea to try to become someone or some thing and fail often with epic proportions. My opinion and that’s all it is, no hate mail now, is that it’s a case of failure to see the forest for the trees. They don’t get that they simply need to look within to see what’s already there, so intent are they to morph into the image of themselves that they have in their head. Ask yourself whether you want to be the person you think you should be or become the person you already are.
MsSloane, wise words indeed. I’d like to add some here if I may. Not that I don’t think I can, but you know, politeness and all that.
Your last part about looking inward raises a question in me. Can’t one look inward to see what they are and then try to improve if they don’t like what they see or they want to be different? I like to think that someone can find redemption so maybe it can be good to try to change if that trying is for a good reason. Sort of goes along with the old adage, “Just be yourself, unless you’re an asshole.”
The second thing is you’ve touched upon one of my own pet peeves that I’ve spoken about in other blogs and in chat before and that’s I agree with you that a submissive is not a wimp. To me, power exchange is so incredibly delicious. In order to have the power exchange, one must first have the power to give up and it takes a strong man to do that. His submission is a gift (as is her dominance to him). OK, I recognize different people get turned on by different things, sure, but it does bug me when someone comes in chat calling himself a pathetic loser. I always ask myself why a Mistress would ever want someone not worthy of her. I don’t think she would. The sub should strive to be someone who can please a Mistress, not offend her sensibilities. I am not scum, dirt, a piece of excrement, et al. I’d want to be cherished.
“Can’t one look inward to see what they are and then try to improve if they don’t like what they see or they want to be different? I like to think that someone can find redemption so maybe it can be good to try to change if that trying is for a good reason. Sort of goes along with the old adage, “Just be yourself, unless you’re an asshole.” I agree magnus.
So many, view this is a type of…’magick potion’ for lack of a better term/phrase
to becoming whatever/whomever (super hero, generally all around good person, etc) they picture in their mind, so unhappy are they in their perception of themselves, their lives.
They seek and believe they find, a sort of extreme self help with the benefits being sexually oriented, on the side.They fail to understand that this isn’t exactly what will happen, grow disillusioned, then resentful and move on to the next thing (concept) quickly, while badmouthing Knk as freakish, wrong and ineffective. (sigh)
This lifestyle is very good at weeding out the wanna-be’s from the others at least.
Part of the exact reason I chose this topic to tackle.
Knklifestyles are so dynamic, everything from exploring within to sex creativestyle.
As to your pet peeve, and mine, coincidentally LOL I shall be touching more of this in the weeks to come.
Thank you for such wonderful input magnus.
I’m glad you feel as though you can give me the honesty I prefer
over lip service to stroke my ego (that’s my job!)
I value everyone’s opinions here!
(except the opinions on Ms Sloane’s slow response to feedback-I KNOW this already!)
Deal with it people!
Ms Sloane, and thank you for saying so. Maybe that goes with along with that other post about wannabes and also my own crusade of educating that “Dommes are people too.” I believe the world would be a better place if we did all give honest opinions but give them in respectful manners. Even taboo subjects could be done that way as long as we tried to be respectful.
And I plan to give my opinion lots more and you can certainly expect me to do it the right way. Oh but not on the slow response. No need for that.
My new motto….
Dommes are people too!
Ranks right up there with…
“Damn…you’d look great…in tears!”
Hehe…Yep, I’m bbackk!
Hee, well if I look good in tears then so be it. I believe in going with my strengths.
Maybe I should go into business to give motto advice. LOL
Ah! LOL @magnus,
I can just picture it now…
LOL, LMAO, ROFLMAO